Chapter 11 Father

 Kirk’s morning routine looked the same every single day. He woke up at 7, went to the bathroom, sat on the toilet, pissed, took a shit (always in the same exact order except for when his leg was fine he was pissing standing, now supporting his body with crutches and managing the flow was too much). Then, he approached the bathtub and with a sponge washed his body (which took twice as long as when his leg wasn’t broken). He then dried his body with a towel (which took twice as long as well) and got dressed. This activity - especially putting on his underwear, trousers, a T-shirt, and a shirt (for the times when he had calls) or a sweater (for the times that he didn’t have any important meetings) - took three times as long. 

He shared the bathroom with his father, and his father was a messy kind of guy. He left his dirty socks around the washing machine along with his dirty underwear and his numerous dirty sweaters packed in baskets spread all over the floor. He left stains of toothpaste in the sink along with his ear sticks or when he didn’t have those on hand, matches. Occasionally, one of the dogs (or cats) decided to defecate in the bathroom as if they didn’t have a whole yard to do this around the house. Kirk devoted at least ten minutes every day cleaning the place, but the work was never-ending and Kai left everything on the surfaces: old gel bottles, used toilet paper rolls, nose hair, cut toenails. Also, the toilet was always dirty and smelled of Kai’s shit every time Kirk went there. It was nauseating but Kirk looked at it with a mixture of sadness and disgust. Was he about to be like his father? Now, after the divorce, everything that he was about to experience in his life, were to be dirt and smell?

Around half-past seven, Kirk was ready to get down to the kitchen and prepare himself some coffee and breakfast, consisting of scrambled eggs, ham sandwiches, and occasionally some yogurt. Kai had already eaten, as dirty pots and pans were lying everywhere, from the stove surfaces to the sink. He also used from five to nine mugs daily (each for every drink he was preparing) and these mugs formed a pyramid in the sink making it unable for Kirk to wash his dishes. Kirk used the same cup for every drink. He also used only one plate and one spoon. And one pot to prepare his dinner. 

Kirk started work at around 8.15. He opened his mailbox and was flooded with issues. Issues were coming to him from every single country connected to DADANTI. He knew some names, other names he was acquainted with, but if you asked him to tell them aloud, he wouldn’t be able to. Some thirty-forty mails, he ignored. He read about twenty. He responded to ten. He had his morning call to his employees, he summed up what had to be done. As always, he received no feedback. Then, he engaged in issues and escalations, which were his responsibility. 

For a few weeks, one thing was bothering him without any solution visible in the distance. He wanted to get to the root of the problem. 

‘I will ask questions,’ he started slowly and Michael was looking at him with resignation, ‘Why were those 11 thousand dildos reclaimed?’

‘They had only one testicle.’ Michael was explaining again the same situation.

‘And why did we produce 11 thousand one-ball fake penises? Is it so difficult to spot the lack of one testicle?’

‘A new employee was placed on the production line. And she approved items which were faulty.’

‘How could she approve of them?’

‘Apparently, this girl, Anika, had never seen a real penis.’

‘Even on TV?’

‘Even on TV. She was on this line for a day, taking over the duties of her colleague. The next day, she was transferred to female parts.’

‘And thank God for this! So apparently we produced 11 thousand one-ball penises which were sent to the distribution center via sea container. They reached France. And?’

‘And they reached the distribution center.’

‘And from the distribution center?’

‘They were sent to dozens of clients. And these clients, having noticed the lack of the testicle sent them back. This is what they say.’

Kirk took a sip of his coffee.

‘Fine. And how is this possible that over a dozen clients, who compete with each other on a daily basis, all sent back 11 thousand penises, but none of those reclaimed items was ever seen back at the distribution center or any DADANTI headquarters?’

‘Now, this is a mystery even to me.’

‘And please tell me who, apart from the clients, can confirm that these were one-ball penises? This girl, Anika? Distribution center? Who opened the packages? Clients? Now all of them want financial compensation but the goods can’t be found anywhere.’

‘Yes, a mystery.’, Michael seemed to be smaller and grayer, and Kirk’s voice was deeper and more and more judgemental. 

‘It’s a lot of money, Michael. A lot.’

‘Yes, Kirk, I know. Maybe they lost it? Or someone stole it?’

‘But do we have any proof? And who would steal 11 thousand one-ball penises?’

‘A fetishist?’, Michael tried to be funny but stopped, seeing Kirk’s judgemental expression. 

At this moment, a loud burp came from behind the door. Kirk at once recognized Kai.

‘Fine, we’ll talk about this tomorrow. I have things to do.’

Kirk ate his lunch at exactly 1 p.m. It took him a while to get down to the kitchen, wash his one pot and one plate, chop some meat, cut some vegetables and cook some rice, pasta, or potatoes. With Kai, they shared an occasional meal, one time it was Kirk who was cooking, at other times it was Kai. They had completely different tastes, Kai’s meals were too fatty for Kirk, and Kirk’s meals were not salty enough for Kai. Also, the times of their meals were different. Kai was hungry even at 11 o’clock, Kirk preferred to eat a bit later. 

Kirk ordered his groceries online with the delivery once a week, unable to walk and do the shopping himself. Kai went to the local market a few times a week with his little shopping bag stroller.

One time, Kai didn’t come back and it was almost night when Kirk started calling the police, worried that something had happened.

‘An old man in his late eighties. Tall, slim. Yes, I can’t move much. I have my leg broken. Please, just drive around the town. Maybe someone saw him.’

Apparently, Kai visited his old friend and forgot to mention that he would be unavailable. He came back just before midnight as if nothing had happened, and Kirk called off the police. 

The second time Kai disappeared, Kirk called his primary school friend to look for him. 

‘This is fucking ridiculous, I can’t even properly descend the stairs, not to mention run after the old man in this snow.’ he complained, ‘It’s the last time I let him go anywhere.’

Kai was found in the store. He had been behaving strangely and couldn’t tell what his address was. He suspected the shop employees of robbing him, once his details were revealed. Kirk thanked his friend for finding his father and announced:

‘No more shopping. From now on, you are on house arrest.’

‘What will I eat? Will you starve me?’

‘You can order food just like I do, via the delivery.’

Kirk placed Kai in front of his laptop. He opened a webpage with the shop details, showed him the shop and the internet basket. He observed how slow Kai was with the computer, how awkwardly he operated the mouse, how slowly he wrote on the keyboard. He did everything at the same pace as did Kirk while dressing up with his leg in plaster. 

‘I need to do my shopping every few days. I don’t know what I will need in a week.’

‘Then you will do your shopping a few times a week. We can have the delivery more frequently. I will leave you to this. I don’t have patience. I’m in the kitchen from 1. p.m., half an hour or more. You can do the shopping then… I will need my computer back for work after that.’

When Kirk thought that he had the problem with his father over with, he realized that his father’s trips to the market had bought him a bit of peace and quiet. Now, he was always at home. And he was always loud. 

One time, to Kirk’s total embarrassment, Kai entered his bedroom/office entirely naked and wet in search of some extra towels. Kirk was in the middle of his stressful call with the Chinese and he just about managed to turn off the camera. He apologized and blamed it on the internet connection, praying that no one on the other side had seen his father’s dangling genitals. 

Kirk slowly started to hate this distance work. He had so many communication problems. His employees didn’t take part in initiatives announced during his famous speeches, Beata was ignoring his emails. Claudia soon also stopped responding and ‘off-sick out of office response’ always appeared when he tried to contact her. 

The only person who mailed him regularly was this new girl Paula. But she phrased everything in a weird way as if she was referring to something Kirk once said.

‘As you agreed…

‘As discussed,...

‘Having your approval,...

Kirk responded to these emails, asked for some clarification, confirmed Paula’s actions but had a strange sensation that she was writing to someone completely different. 

At exactly seven p.m. Kirk made himself supper, usually, it was a soup or some salami cheese toasts with ketchup. He made a cup of warm tea to which he added (depending on the mood) some lemon, honey, or rum. He sat in his mother’s old armchair downstairs, turned on the TV, looked at his father sleeping in the second armchair of the same set, wondering what your sleep looks like when you’re almost ninety. He listened to the barks of dogs and fights of cats, and mindlessly watched what was on TV. 

At exactly 11 p.m he went asleep to meet another day. Kai was at this time cooking himself a midnight meal and releasing dogs for the evening run.